The Accidental Walrus

I posted this link for a reason. I had my CVS experience ruined by a stupid dude yesterday. This is the same dumb nugget that ruined my library experience the other week. Some background: I met said numb nugget at the library a few weeks ago. I was walking out of the library when he opened the door for me. Thanks dude! Except no. No. He wasn’t just trying to help another human out. He had to make a comment, while I was walking away, along the lines of, “you see, there ARE still gentleman who open doors.”

Really, dude? Really? I open doors for people all the time. But the difference between you and me is that I don’t say, “isn’t it nice that I did that for you? AREN’T I AN AMAZING PERSON!?! VALIDATE MY EXISTENCE!”

So I quickly determined said dude was a loser. And I walked away, because I had things to do. But dude decides he’s going to RUN AFTER ME and scream, “hello! hello! my name is —-.” Because I care. It was obvious that I wanted nothing to do with this guy. He couldn’t take the hint. Actually, he probably just chose to ignore how I was feeling. Jerks seem to operate that way. But, I decided to  stop, turn around, and say hello, hoping he’d go away. No such luck. I was almost out of the library parking lot when dude PULLS UP BESIDE ME in a huge truck and rolls down the window. Now, please keep in mind that I was walking. (I live a few blocks from the library.) Also, let us remember that dude had been following me for a few minutes prior to the truck incident and was showing no regard for the signals I was giving off through my body language/tone of voice. So naturally, I was very, very frightened. I was fully prepared to rip this dude’s face off when he leans out the window and says, “are you in college?”  Oh yes. One of THOSE guys. translation: I am a 45-year-old creep. I try to hide the fact that I have a very small weiner by driving this ugly, giant truck. I pick up college girls because everyone my own age can see me for the douche that I am. I also like college women because I think they are “stupid” and will be impressed by my big truck.

I responded to every one of his questions after that with a curt, “no.” Every time I tried to walk away, he would lean further out the window and move his truck forward. He told about his contracting business, handed me a flyer, and told me if I ever wanted to “do lunch” I could call him. I ran like a banshee back to my apartment, ripped the flyer up into a million pieces and threw it away.

So anyway…thought that was the last of him. But no! Yesterday I was at CVS buying Comet when who should appear? NUMB NUGGET CREEPER PANTS! Of course, it took me a few minutes to realize it was him, because when he came up to me I didn’t recognize him. (I’m sure that would have disappointed said creeper, since I’m sure he believes that every female has etched his image into their collective memory.) Also, he asked me, “was that you walking down the street?” Additional context: My neighborhood is full of weirdos and crazies. Like, STRANGE people. People who walk into the coffee shop with plungers on their heads. Those kinds of people. So I thought, “another crazy.” And then I said, “Oh yeah, that was TOTALLY me walking down the street.” (Because what kind of question is that anyway?) Then I went back to shopping. But while I was perusing the toilet cleaning products, a little light went off in my head. That’s when I realized it was the library creeper. By then he had already come up to me again. And this is what he said: “Okay, I’m just going to say this so I’ll be at peace. But, you look great.”

Then I rudely said, “yeah, thanks.” Didn’t wait for a response. I walked away.

Then I hid in the toilet paper aisle until he left.

Men, I don’t know what Maxim or AskMen.com article you read that recommended you behave in this way, but I’m going offer up some different advice. Please listen. WOMEN DO NOT LIKE THIS! WE DO NOT LIKE IT! It is annoying. It is stupid. It is inconsiderate. It is FRIGHTENING. STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! If a woman tells you in any sort of way that she is not interested in you, please back off. We’re not rejecting you because we want to “play games,” or we’re “saying no, but really saying yes.” No. We don’t want you around, so take a hint and get lost. I deserve to shop at store/ride the bus/walk down the street/visit the library without some jerk following me around and making me feel uncomfortable. I should be able to wear shorts on a hot day and not have some jerk shout disgusting things at me from his car. (Seriously, what do you think I’m going to do, run over and have sexytimes with you? Because nothing says romance like scaring me while I walk down the street.) I shouldn’t have to think twice about wearing a certain top or a certain pair of pants because some guy “might say something rude.” Every lady on Earth deserves to go about her day without worrying about being harassed. It is our right as human beings. So dear Men, before you decide to engage in this stuff, think twice. If you’re out with one of your friends, doing fun dude things, and your friend starts doing it, tell him to stop. If you don’t call him out you’re perpetuating sexist behavior. This behavior hurts women and men. It obviously hurts women because it makes us fearful. Then women start to believe that men are nothing more then neolithic slob manchildren. Is that how you want half of the world population to think of you? Hey dudes! You’re killing our lady boners! We really want to be friends. We like you. We promise. But you need to respect us. Treat us the way you would like to be treated.

Also, library creeper dude…..if I see you again I’m going to make a scene.

end rant